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[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
The NYTimes rejected my Oped observation piece on watcching the King funeral... fucking partisan swine...

Bush 41 served up some icy, phoned in bullshit, but he gets a pass because he's old, and no one speaks ill of smiling elderly patricians. For reasons I don't understand, it seems mean, despite the stories of Carlyle Group white slave camps in Madagascar (who else would affix the plastic to those wire bread bag ties?). Its only a matter of time until he's deemed too old, or knowing too much, and treated to a faceful of scattershot from Dick. It would be wrong to rip the soon-to-be-hunted.

"Use the 10 guage. Removes the tongue."

Carter could only have embarrassed himself more by passing gas audibly during his speech. No one likes an old scold, and worse, an old scold with the stink of failure and incompetence trailing him like a cloud of body odor. Its one thing to hear an aging hippie wax nostalgic for the lost promise of an absurd utopia. From a decrepit peanut farmer who slid in and out of power like some dim VP thrown into the CEO's suite after a plane crash killed every other executive, it sounds flat, angry and insulting to the dead body in the casket in front of him. Jimmy Carter was our Disco President, and he stands for nothing but proving the Peter Principle. He reminds me of gas lines, middle parts and Grand Funk Railroad. His sole redeeming feature was his opening campaign act - the Allman Brothers. But even that was wrong on many levels. That Dickie Betts blackjacked his wife purple with an ashtray in a White House restroom during a state dinner where Roberta Flack received the Congressional Medal of Freedom doesn't speak well for the Republic. But back to the meat of it, Carter made an ass of himself, and a case that he might be the least qualified of the Presidents there that day.

Clinton, of course, stung a triple into the right field wall. The "frozen chosen" line was perfect, and the camera perfectly flipped to a shot of Bush 43, shit eating red faced grin, at the moment of its delivery. You could see the wheels turning... "Heh, I think I fucked an Oriental chick here in 1974... or was that Miami?" Off the cuff, Bubba grabbed the room by the short hairs, and showed everyone how its done. This led to the low point of the night - Hillary. To say she shit the bed would be kind. Where Bill exuded enough heat to warm the first three rows, the Ice Queen came off rigid, scripted and every bit as soulless, measured, conniving and deliberate as you know she is. The Democrats launching that lead zeppelin will spell the end of the two party system. They'll find her molesting an unconscious aide in the bowels of her campaign headquarters on election night, bloody fangs dripping chunks of torn adipose tissue, bleating gibberish... "They want cock? They need cock? Cock, cock, cock... God screwed me..."

Mondale 2008. An "I will be avenged" concession, coupled with Hitler arm-chops will turn back the women's rights movement 50 years. The only question is which Republican gets to beat her into a bloody slab of flank steak.

Too bad someone had to die to set up this little political spectacle.